I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
