Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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