I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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