Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
