one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
