she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
