Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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