You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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