when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
