Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
