Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
