When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
