Swine flu. Run for my life!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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