i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ok first of all what the fuck
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
