I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
