i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
