i was born a porn star she said
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
