He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
