Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
