I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
