we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
