Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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