Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
A+ Viking dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
