We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
