wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize