Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
