you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
