hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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