I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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