Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
