I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
