Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my shit smells like andre
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
