there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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