Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
