just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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