Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So many bounce houses so little time
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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