Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
