ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
