so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
