I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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