we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
