brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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