Don't make out with my wife yet
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
