another moral hangover. fuck.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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