I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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