chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
