Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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