First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
