I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
