cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize