If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you didnt know i had herpes?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
