Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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