well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
