I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
