I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
