i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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