i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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