Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
