I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I smell like Dick and happiness
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize