My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
