Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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