i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
