Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
