I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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