you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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