I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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