He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
